Rudeness in South Florida - An Essay

It's official. Based on feedback received at the Miami Herald after their South Florida rudeness story last week, we're #1. In rudeness. It looks like a consensus of South Floridians feel that Miami, and South Florida in general, is the rudest and most uncivilized place in the United States, and probably the entire western world.

I'm not going to sweep this under the rug and say that there isn't an impression of rudeness here, because there is, without a doubt. What I will stop short of saying is that Miamians are some sort of sub-human species not capable or interested in being nice, normal human beings. On a normal day, I run into people being nice and considerate: drivers stopping to let me cross the street to enter the insanely crowded Home Depot next to my house, the cashier at Publix wishing me a nice day after bagging my groceries, the driver at the 4-way stop down the street from my house waving at me to go first even though it's actually her turn. Yes, these things happen to me pretty much daily, believe it or not.

One curious thing I've noticed: everyone complains about how rude their fellow Miamians are. No one admits to being rude themselves from time to time. There are few things more obnoxious and dishonest than those who complain about others' actions when they aren't perfect themselves.

Before I get to some of the reasons for the rudeness we experience here, let me make a point about something that a lot of people in Miami complain about. Language and the barriers they create. Many non-Spanish speakers who responded to the Herald story complained about being excluded from a conversation because the other people in the room were speaking Spanish. Before I continue, let me say that I ALWAYS make a point to speak a common language whenever there is mixed company. However, that isn't always possible in South Florida. There's nothing rude with someone speaking Spanish to a non-English speaking friend or relative in front or near someone who doesn't speak Spanish.

In the case where the allegedly rude are bilingual, it gets a little trickier. If a bilingual is having a conversation with a monolingual, then switches over to Spanish without apologizing when his buddy pops into the room, that's rude. If the two bilinguals are in a room speaking Spanish and someone else then walks into the room who is not involved in the conversation, then I don't see a huge problem. I personally would switch back over to English, but I don't think it's rude behavior to not do so. Perhaps the two are having a personal conversation which they don't want anyone else to hear. Anyway you look at it, no one has a right to listen in on a conversation that doesn't involve them. That leads to another point. I would venture to say that 98% of the time when two people are having a conversation in a language that a third bystander doesn't understand, the topic of the conversation has NOTHING to do with the third person. Therefore, the third person has no business knowing what the other two are saying just for "the sake of politeness". It's rude to eavesdrop, right?

Now that I got that out of the way, let's address some of the reasons for rude behavior in South Florida. Rick and Alesh made some good posts about the level of rudeness last week, with Alesh tackling some of the reasons for this behavior. I agree with many of Alesh's points, and I'm glad that he actually attempted to reason this out instead of just making a statement without any foundation. Our cultural differences (yes we DO have them), play a huge role in the perception of rudeness. While there is a standard set of appropriate behaviors, there is plenty of gray area in some of the individual characteristics and habits of our different cultures (Hispanics cannot and should not be lumped into a single category. Each Hispanic sub-group has its significant differences). Lateness (being on "Cuban time") is one of these. Informality is another. Just because people don't sometimes greet strangers with "sir" or "ma'm" doesn't mean they're being rude, but a reflection of different cultural attitudes. Similarly, lateness may not be a person's way of showing rudeness, they just weren't brought up to be exactly on time for everything.

Alesh makes an excellent point by stating that areas that have diverse cultures tend to have a rudeness problem simply because of the mixing and misunderstanding of the cultural and social habits. I don't agree with him in that we tend to be impolite to those who are different from us, it's mainly when differences in cultural values and habits are concerned that we tend to react with uncertainty or even downright hostility.

Another big factor in South Florida is the fast-paced lifestyle and the overcrowded environment. I love South Florida as much as anyone, but there is a price to pay for living in subtropical paradise. Nothing can frustrate even the nicest person than a hard day at the office followed by a hour-long drive home in choking traffic. Stress is a big instigator of rudeness. How do you react when faced with a stressful situation? Normally, it's by thinking about yourself and how to get out of that situation. The last thing on our minds at this point is to think about the guy in the car next to us, it's all about ME. It's a normal human defense mechanism. Without it, we'd die. So my point here is, put anyone in a stressful situation, such as what we typically face in South Florida on a daily basis, and they'll likely do something selfish and rude.

OK, so I've explained why we're rude. Now, what do we do about it? The first thing to do is to set the example, as Alesh stated. The next thing to do (or not do) is to not sit back and judge those who we deem as less civil just because we're such great citizens. We need to encourage human contact, not smugness. Personal relationships break down barriers and make for a united community. This of course, takes time, which we don't have a lot of in South Florida because of the transient nature of our population. Still, the effort must be undertaken if we really do care about being more civil.

A key element that is missing in South Florida is pride in community. Our transient nature and lack of roots play a big role, obviously, but I know people who have lived here 20+ years who moved down from some Northeastern state that shall remain nameless who still call that old place home. I'll never understand that attitude as long as I live. If you don't consider where you live as "home", you are less likely to invest your time and effort in making it a better place, which eventually results in not caring about others. If you like where you live, you reflect it in your actions.

Above all, it takes lots of patience and understanding to live in South Florida and to cope with all the good and bad we have to deal with. Patience, and a good bit of thick skin, with those who insist on being jerks; understanding of those who are different than us.

We've already complained enough, now let's show how it's done.