Miami, Post-fidel

Interesting days we've been living recently, with all the rumors flying around about fidel's health (or lack thereof). It seems like each rumor is stronger than the last, until one of these days we'll get it right.

One thing has struck me as rather odd these past few days: the theory that the rumors are being spread by the Cuban government in order to "test the waters" on how we'll react here in Miami once the big day finally arrives and the old bastard kicks the bucket.

I'm no mind reader, but I can say with plenty of certainty that the honchos in Havana know EXACTLY what's going to happen. So then, why bother with the dry runs? Perhaps they just like to bother the crap out of us, which I think is as valid of a reason for them as any.

Anyway. Just in case some in Havana really don't know what type of reaction to expect, I, being the nice guy that I am, have decided to fill them in on some details of likely events that will transpire the day fidel dies.

First, there won't be any rumors this time. Just an official announcement from the State Department and another one from Miami-Dade Mayor Carlos Alvarez and City of Miami Mayor Manuel (Manny) Diaz.

The Cuban-American community in Miami and the rest of South Florida pause for a split second, then erupts in joy. Drivers will be honking their horns all over streets and highways. People will stick their heads out of car windows shouting "Libertad Coño!". The masses will congregate in three locations: Calle Ocho in front of Versailles Restaurant, Bird Road in front of La Carreta Restaurant in Westchester and West 49th Street in Hialeah in front of whatever Cuban restaurant they have there. Other potential but unconfirmed sites include Kendall Drive and SW 127th Avenue across from Flanigan's (OK that's an Irish joint but it's close enough) and some brave ex-pats from Hialeah and Miami Lakes may even camp out at the corner of Pines and Flamingo north of the border in Pembroke Pines (not sure what restaurant is in that intersection, but there's a Latin American Restaurant nearby).

A celebration is attempted in Coral Gables along Miracle Mile, but city leaders quickly shoo away people, citing city ordinances against using pick-up trucks in impromptu civic celebrations.

A side note: you're probably wondering why most of these meeting places are conveniently located near Cuban restaurants. Simple...easy access to the ever-important cafecito.

At these key locations thousands of happy Cuban-Americans, young, old and everything in between, will be standing on the sidewalk and pouring into the streets screaming "libertad para Cuba", "el barbudo se murió", and other pleasantries related to fidel's afterlife address. Many will be carrying American and Cuban flags, some will have signs. Drivers passing by will have similar flags draped from the backs of trucks along with 10-15 people per vehicle coming out of windows and truck beds banging pots and screaming wildly. The honking of car horns will be audible for miles, perhaps heard even as far as Havana if the wind's blowing the right way. In a rare sign of teamwork and camaraderie, Mayor Alvarez and the County Commissioners will join in a group hug at the County Emergency Operations Center in Doral.

Don't be surprised if you see lots of older people crying. This will be an emotional day for all of us, especially the older folks who had their lives turned upside down by the deceased.

There will be a run on makeshift coffins that people will use to mock the late comandante en jefe, as well as fidel punching bags that are currently being made in some bleak factory in Allapattah.

A central location will be chosen for a big celebration, complete with huge vats of lechón and arroz y frijoles negros: The soon-to-be defunct Orange Bowl. The City of Miami will give key exile figures the keys to the old stadium but deny any involvement in the process.

Basically, Miami will be turned upside down for about 48 hours, unless it's announced on a Friday in which case it will be closer to 96 hours.

Police will be everywhere. Coast Guard personnel will be situated just off our coasts, but few will know what to expect.

Not everything will be party city, however. There will be those outside the Cuban community who will condemn the celebrations as insensitive, obnoxious and uncivilized. Letters to the editor will pour into local newspapers and TV stations from self-righteous individuals clamoring for perspective and decency. Editorial cartoons will once again lampoon Cuban-Americans. A few jerks will likely take advantage of the celebrations to commit crimes and act like typical hoodlums.

I hope this description of likely events helps our friends in Havana. At the very least, they'll stop bugging us with rumors now that they know what will transpire in Miami.

Update on fidel Death Rumors

(Cross-posted from Babalu)

Just finished watching Polos Opuestos on Channel 22 here in Miami, and the word is that the rumors of fidel's death are just that. Host Maria Elvira Salazar interviewed Miami Mayor Manny Diaz, and the mayor emphasized that there have been no movement of law enforcement to handle the rumored situation. Most importantly, Diaz said that the city is maintaining contact with the federal government and that the feds would notify the city once they receive the official word. There have been no unusual movement of Coast Guard personnel or vessels either, according to Diaz.

Jesus Marzo Fernandez, ex-high ranking Cuban official, was on the set of the show and stated that he has been in contact with several Cuban officials and they confirmed that there is no unusual movement of Cuban military forces. They showed a clip from tonight's Mesa Redonda program which was showing regular programming (with none other than Miami resident and castro agent Max Lesnik in the audience!).

Marzo did say something interesting, that today's rumors did not come from Havana, but from someone much closer to the exile community, likely in Miami, and that Havana is just fine with the rumors since they make the exile community look foolish. Another very interesting tidbit he mentioned was his firm belief that heads of state - including the President of the United States, would be among the first to know of fidel's death, and that the Cuban people would be among the last to know. This supports what Mayor Diaz said about their contacts with the federal government, since Miami would obviously be a flash point in the event of the big news.

Take this for what it's worth, and I guess it's still possible that the guy is indeed dead, but it's looking more and more like today's news was yet another false rumor.

As I mentioned in a comment earlier today, wake me up when fifo is officially dead.

Post-castro Partying

I'm back from Daytona Beach, thankful to have barely missed the tornadoes that raked Central Florida this morning and sad for those who perished and for those who lost everything.

That being said, my advice to anyone thinking of planning a trip to Daytona Beach in late January: skip it. The place is dead.

Speaking of dead, I did manage to catch the story about the plans for a big bash in the Orange Bowl after fidel's death. I finally caught up with the blogosphere's reaction, from Val's approval to Rick's usual sarcasm and subsequent predictable and boring comment thread featuring Manuel vs. the world.

What do I think? I think a big and organized bash with bands and t-shirts would be over the top. Something more spontaneous and unscripted seems more appropriate. It appears that the city of Miami realized that and backed off their original plans. Of course, it still wouldn't please those outside of Miami (as well as those inside Miami) who quite simply don't get it. You know, those who want us to "act with dignity", whatever that's supposed to mean.

Tell that to the tens of thousands of Miamians who suffered torture, imprisonment, loss of loved ones and family separation because of the bearded asshole. Someone whose legacy will be one of despotism, cruelty and downright murder doesn't deserve to be eulogized.

I respect the opinions of those in Cuba who don't approve of Cuban-Americans celebrating fidel's death, as reflected in Andres Oppenheimer's column. However, I couldn't help but chuckle when reading Oppenheimer's well-intentioned suggestion of "a steak for every Cuban" drive. Cuban-Americans have for years been supporting their loved ones in Cuba not with chuletas, but with dolares. You can buy plenty of chuletas with dolares in Cuba.

Of course, to many (not Oppenheimer) we'll always be heartless and intransigent (read: intolerant) jerks.

As Victoria wrote in her comment to Babalu's post:

It's always the Cubans, Cubans, Cubans in Miami.

I'm sick of it. I'm going for for a celebratory cafecito, in Versailles, and I don't care what people say.

Well said Victoria!

Once again, there's a serious gap in understanding here. A fidel death celebration, no matter how low-key or overblown it may be, is simply years of pent-up frustration being released, and that's perfectly fine by me. Perhaps I won't be out there screaming out of the top of my lungs and partying until dawn, but I'll be happy nonetheless.

To those who are quick to say: "Why party? Cuba has a long way to go even if fidel dies", you're right. Still, give us one day to celebrate, one day to recover, and many more days and weeks and months to help Cuba get back on its feet again. We know what's ahead of us.

As far as what the rest of the world thinks of our celebration...maybe this two-left-footed Cuban-American will dance a salsa song or two on your behalf.